sometimes, i feel like i don’t have anything to write (or share). this is why i do not have regular updates. so to challenge myself to post regularly, i’m challenging myself to write something at least once a week. good thing, i found this (click the photo to get to the site where i found it):
The one-week hiatus means I have been very busy with all aspects of my life.
Apparently, my quarter life crisis is not yet over. Two Saturdays ago, I found out the SM Batangas is hiring for the Brand Officer position (marketing). Since I am still confused about what I am going to do with my life, I applied for the position. They called me up for interview (I was not surprised) last Thursday, May 20. I had two interviews that day and was supposed to go to another interview the following day, supposedly with the Brand Manager.
Guess what. I withdrew my application. My condition to work again is that they should pay me at least what BPI was paying me before I left the company. I had a hint that they would not give that. (“Ang laki naman ng hinihingi mo” was the comment of the HR Supervisor, though she said the HR Manager would discuss the salary details with me.) Next, the HR Supervisor explained to me that the job would entail me to work on weekends and on holidays. “Kaya mo bang magtrabaho pag holiday?” was what she asked me, to which I answered “Kakayanin ko po. It’s a big adjustment pero I believe kakayanin ko ‘yon.”
Apparently, I could not and would not work on holidays. So I withdrew my application.
Tomorrow, I will be applying in Law School at a university here in Batangas. I would have wanted to study in UP or San Beda, but I am not willing to give up the time that I am spending with Kaila. As Abbey always says, “why give up one, when you can have them both?”
Good luck to me. Hopefully, this ends my quarter life crisis.
Dear Emotional Self,
Eight days to go before your last chance to take the entrance to law school is over and still you have not made up your mind. This is your dream, right? Or maybe not. This is your Dad’s dream. You want to go to law school because someone, you want to make your Dad proud. After everything that you have gone through–taking up Journalism (which he did not want), working over continuing your studies, getting pregnant, getting married, resigning from your job–at the back of your mind, you still want to fulfill the lifelong dream of your Dad.
If you go to law school, what will happen?
You’re going to miss your child again. I know you hate that feeling. You have always wanted to become a hands-on Mommy to your child, one reason why you chose your family over your budding career.
You have to go through another four years of study, graduate, pass the bar exams, and work again. You do not want to work anymore right? Your favorite author, R. K., has greatly influenced you in your decision not to work again. From Quadrant E, you want to jump to Quadrant B and I. You know that you will never be rich if you stay on your job. You have to start a business and build empires.
What will you do know? You have eight days to decide. Again, you are stuck between two roads; which way would you choose?
Your Thinking Self
Got home yesterday from the hospital. It has been a really long weekend. It was my little girl’s first time to be hospitalized since I gave birth to her. I was really worried but at the same time proud of my little girl. She was indeed very brave.
Last Saturday, around 4:30 pm, her yaya brought her inside the house after trying to put her to sleep outside. After putting her down, she vomited lots of liquids. I thought she would be ok after that but the vomiting persisted nine times. We even brought her to a manghihilot since my mom said “baka nabati si kai.” The hilot did not work, we brought her to the nearby hospital because I was really worried about her. Also, she was already dehydrated since she her body was refusing to take in liquids. She would vomit after drinking water.
When the nurse inserted needle on her right hand, she cried and called me (Mommy Mommy). I soothed her, told her that she would be fine. She was very brave. She did not try to pull her hand from the nurse (who failed to find her vein the first time so he inserted the needle on the left hand instead); she did not even scream as what a 21-month old child would do.
We stayed for 3 nights and 3 days in the hospital. Those were the longest nights and days of my life. I was crying (when she and her Dad were asleep), I was praying, I was hurting. Ganon pala ang feeling na maging isang ina. Kung pwede lang na ikaw ang masaktan, ikaw ang magkasakit, ikaw ang kuhanan ng dugo instead of your child. Every time the doctor or the nurses would come in, Kaila would cry and I would soothe her and she would stop crying. Eventually, she became friends with the nurses. She got used to the nurses taking her temperature and fixing her dextrose. She never get used to the doctor though (who was not her pedia but a resident pedia of the nearby hospital). She has always been afraid of doctors ever since her pedia siphoned mucous out of her nostrils when she was a baby. (I usually talk her out when we visit her pedia–what her doctor would do, what she would expect, blah blah but it does not work. She still cried when her pedia taouches her.)
We had to ask the nurses to remove her dextrose on Monday night because she was really crying (“sakit! sakit!”). They said they would reinsert the needle on her right arm instead but we refused because she was already fine–she was already eating, no more fever, no more vomit. True enough, her left hand was already swollen after the nurse removed her dextrose. My poor baby.
She was fine the whole day (tuesday) so the doctor already signed the papers and we left the hospital. Getting out of that building was a relief. I never hated hospitals but I also never enjoyed being there. I never even dreamed of being a nurse or doctor. Bringing my child there was one of the worst feelings in the world.
Kaila’s ok already even though she still have rashes (sikal/tuko) and I still have to give her her meds every six hours. Good thing the medicine tasted good, like her favorite jelly ace. Last night I was able to lure her to take the meds without her crying. Though when I woke her up at 4am today, she cried and wouldn’t take her medicine.
I hope everything will be ok already. I usually stop Kaila from eating too much, or I sometimes would like to pinch or spank her for being so pilya, or I sometimes would find myself wanting to scream at her because she would not listen to what I say but I definitely prefer those days instead of those long weekends in the hospital.
Thank you Lord for keeping my child safe. I always pray that she stays healthy and safe. May You always guide and bless her. Please bless also all the children in the world.
I have always been a dreamer.
I have lots of dreams that I want to achieve in this lifetime. Buying my own car and building my own house–these two are the longest of those many dreams. I dream of being filthy rich, of owning various properties, of being a business tycoon. I dream of living a lavish life, owning Louis Vuittons, vacationing in the Bahamas, and buying anything that I want. I imagine myself going the to supermarket and filling two push carts with goods without worrying about the cost of all those stuff. I picture myself spending the whole day with my husband and children, thinking about where we’re going to spend our summer. I picture my parents and siblings, touring the whole world and enjoying the time of their lives because of my money.
More importantly, I want to contribute something to the world. I want to move a soul. I want to provide education to those who wants to be educated. I want to do something great. I want to do something noble.
I know that money is not everything in this world. There are more important things in life than living a lavish lifestyle. Right now, I live a simple, sometimes complicated, generally happy life. I know someday, those dreams will come true. They may not exactly happen the way I picture them to be, but I know it will be close to that.
I continue to dream and will do my best to achieve these dreams.
baby, gusto ko ako lang tatawagin mo pag malungkot ka, pag nasasaktan ka, pag may umaaway sa ‘yo. nasasaktan si mommy pag iba tinatawag mo. gusto ko ako lang, please. i’m trying my very best to be the best mommy for you. and it’s so sad that everytime you’re upset, you call you lola instead of me. 😦
I officially belong to the unemployed statistic. Who would have thought that?
KL, while having coffee a few hours ago, asked me about my plans after BPI. I remember answering “I don’t know yet.” Not very me. And not really a good answer when it’s KL asking you.
But that’s the truth. I think I’m having quarter life crisis. I reached a point in my life when I really don’t know what to do. I just want to rest. Be with Melvin and Kaila. Be a RICH housewife. I was actually telling people that I will play majong that’s why I resigned. The truth is, I don’t want to explain any further. It’s hard for people to understand my situation because not everyone can relate to it. I’m glad my Dad understands. I was really touched when he texted me not to worry, “may trabaho pa naman ang daddy,” he said. I’m a lucky girl. My manager even told me that I am my Dad’s favorite. Yes, I think so. Haha.
But I really don’t know what will happen next. Maybe I’ll just take it one at a time. No need to rush things. Everything will fall into place in it’s proper timing. For now, I’ll sleep then pack my things.
facebook status: happily writing about weddings, bedroom decor, and business travel tips.
currently reporting to yahoo! mail alert for a possible password phishing of melvin’s yahoo mail.
melvin and i just kissed and made up (via text of course). we had a major fight last night, well apparently i was the only one who was provoking the fight, because i felt that he neglected me in his decision to sell the car. i don’t want to discuss the details. the important thing is we’re okay already.
i really love my husband. i do.
thank you Lord for giving me such a wonderful husband. he’s my person.
i. am. angry. with. melvins. brother. i. am. so. angry. i am really pissed off.
i want to be rich. wealthy. happy. contented.
Our second year anniversary celebration was simply amazing. That was our first celebration together because he was in Singapore last year so we didn’t get to celebrate last year.
It was just a simple date but it was something that I imagined it to be. We went together to Rob’s Place, window shopped (I kept pulling him out of every store that he went to knowing that he’d surely buy something expensive for himself if found something that he liked.), ate at Almon Marina, then had a whole body massage at Annie’s. The massage was great. It was an hour of therapeutic rub yet I was really relaxed and rejuvenated.
Why was it amazing? For one, we don’t go out on dates like that. When we go out, we only eat at an ordinary restaurant then that’s it. Second, the massage is something we haven’t done before. Third, we simply enjoyed it.
Yey! More anniversaries to come! Thank you Lord for simple things like these. They mean a lot to me.
I started my writing career already. I already applied to some online writing jobs and have delivered six articles this week. Those were just trial articles. I received the results of my application and found out that I was rejected to both. How sad is that. And very discouraging.
I’m already thinking of filing my resignation letter on Monday but the rejections I received this morning made me doubtful whether I’d pass my resignation or not.
I have to be optimistic. I know it takes patience and a lot of hardwork to really become a successful online writer. I won’t give up.